


Everytime We Fail

by Spacetime_odyssey



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Angst and Feels, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, First War with Voldemort, Heavy Angst, Hurt Remus Lupin, James Potter & Lily Evans Potter Live, Marauders Era (Harry Potter), Marauders Friendship (Harry Potter), Psychological Torture, Remus Lupin-centric, Sad Remus Lupin, Torture
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-20
Updated: 2020-11-22
Packaged: 2021-03-06 15:15:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,415
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26090986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spacetime_odyssey/pseuds/Spacetime_odyssey
Summary: AU. It's the midst of the first wizarding war. Lies, suspicions and betrayals are tearing apart the marauders from inside. What happens when a single decision changes the fine thread of destiny forever? In the aftermath, they will have to hold on tight to each other and attempt to heal. But does blood ever stop oozing out from the wounds?
Relationships: James Potter/Lily Evans Potter, Sirius Black & Remus Lupin & Peter Pettigrew & James Potter
Comments: 4
Kudos: 17





	1. OF MOONBOWS AND DARK NIGHTS

_Raindrops gently made their way to the ground, striking the windowpanes of the quaint little cottage of the countryside. A little boy of four pressed his nose against the pane, observing intently the steady descent of the water droplets from the overcast sky._

_"It's already dusk", said the boy, quiet disappointedly. "We won't get to see a rainbow today , can we, mama? " "Not likely ", replied the boy's mother, smiling down at her child's face, too young to properly form a pout, but trying nonetheless. "But who says you won't get lucky and see a moonbow?"_

_"A moon...bow? ", inquired the boy, quite surprised. "Yeah, it's just like a rainbow. The_ _only difference is that it's produced by moonlight instead of sunlight",the mother explained. "That's so exciting ", exclaimed the boy, bouncing happily. "I can't wait to see it. Can we see it today, mom? " "I don't know sweetheart", replied the mother, laughing heartily at her child's enthusiasm. "They are pretty rare. However, today is the full moon. Moonbows are typically seen around full moon nights, so there's always a chance you might spot them."_

_Moonlight entered through the open window, partly illuminating the small room. The little boy stood near the window, watching the sky keenly, eager to catch a glimpse of a moonbow. And lucky he was. The horizon illuminated, lighting up the sky in a faint white bow. "It's so beautiful! I love the moon and the stars and the moonbow and the night sky", exclaimed the boy happily. The mother - son duo, now joined by the father continued watching the sky, marvelling at the ethereal sight._

In a dark dingy cellar far way, a young man of 22 with tattered clothes and a battered body smiled serenely and drifted deeper into an exhausted sleep, relishing the warmth of the fond memory subconsciously.

 _Agony. White hot agony pulsed through his veins, choking the little boy, making it increasingly difficult for him to breathe. Bones cracked, blood oozed out continuously from the wound. Black spots danced in his visions. The little boy made one last attempt at calling out, "Mama, Dada", failing miserably. The deep dark void of unconsciousness was almost a relief. A wolf's malicious howl reverberated in the distance...Gone were the days of loving moonbows and watching the starry sky. Now_ _the arrival of the full moon only meant terror and pain. It was perpetual new moon night in the sky of the boy's destiny._

In the basement cellar, the young man writhing in his sleep was awakened by rough hands jerking him from sleep. "Ennerverate", hissed the black-clad death eater. "You are not allowed the luxury to sleep, Lupin. The werewolf must stay awake to properly enjoy all the torture the Dark Lord has in store for you", he chuckled."

Leaning his head against the wall, Remus Lupin wondered which was worse, the night terrors that brought back the ghosts of the past or the cold desolation of the basement which brought forward the promise of excruciating pain and torture.

Unbeknownst to both the werewolf and the death eater, a faint moonshadow arose in the sky of the little cottage, only this time there was no bouncing little boy to witness it. 


	2. A tale of guilt, remorse (and perhaps, forgiveness )

It was nearly ten at night. In a dimly lit room in a two-storeyed cottage in Kent, James Potter could be seen pacing across the whole room, anxiety, worry and perhaps fear too, evident on his face. Sirius Black, the ever hyper, enthusiastic, firebrand Sirius Black was sitting on the couch, his gaze fixed on the floor, as if stoned. For once, he couldn't bring himself to meet his friend's gaze. It was clear from both of their features that they had been spending sleepless nights. James kept glancing at Sirius and opened his mouth a few times to speak something...something reassuring, perhaps, for both of their sakes but ultimately decided against it. And Sirius, for once, couldn't bring himself to meet his friend's gaze.

The uncomfortable silence prevailing in the room was broken by Lily Potter's footsteps. " I finally managed to make Harry sleep. He's normally not so fussy but with the recent circumstances, he just won't stop crying," said Lily, with a tired smile. "Also, none can match uncle Moon and his bedtime stories from The Tales of Beedle The Bird." This somehow managed to earn a chuckle from both the men.

However, quickly the atmosphere of the room turned somber once again. "Any leads, Sirius?" asked Lily, even though she knew the question was futile. "None", said Sirius, quietly. " Voldemort was too clever, too thorough.The aurors are trying their best, but until now, nothing..."

"DAMN IT."

Sirius flinched. James rarely lost control over his emotions these days, choosing to battle them in private, so that none can see how much this war was taking a toll on him. But now, in a rare outburst of rage, he banged his fist in the table, sending its contents flying across the room. 

"James!" Lily admonished, but somehow, her words lacked any real bite. James, pulling his hair in frustration, replied, " Clearly the aurors haven't been trying hard enough. How long should we just sit here and keep waiting for some news, any news? Hell, we don't even know if Remus is...is ..." he sat down, covering his face, unable to complete the sentence. "We've to be patient, James, we've to", said Lily, placing a gentle hand on her husband's shoulder. "Dumbledore has promised to do everything he can and we've got to trust him. We can't lose hope now. Remus is alive and we'll find him." 

Her words, as always, managed to soothe James. "Yeah, you're right", he sighed. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have shouted like that. I'll...I'll just go and sit beside Harry for sometime." James got up and disappeared upstairs, leaving Sirius and Lily in the room.

"He'll never forgive me this time...atleast not until we get Remus back", mumbled Sirius, almost to himself.

"He might surprise you", said Lily.

Startled, Sirius looked up. He didn't realize he had said it out loud.

"The last time I made him this angry... I betrayed his trust. He...he didn't forgive me until Remus did. This is a thousand times worse", Sirius said, struggling for words. Lily never knew the specifics of the infamous prank Sirius played on Snape in fifth year, nor did she prod about it but she had her own guesses.

"Well, he has grown up a lot since then, and so have you. Now is not the time to hold grudges against each other. We have to stand united if we want to have a chance", Lily reasoned. "Also, he is clearly hurting at not being able to talk with you freely. Trust me, he'll come around soon."

Sirius' last words were almost inaudible, "And what if we never get Remus back?"

After a long silence, when Lily replied, her eyes were wet. " Then we'll have to survive together. For Harry. He needs all of us... For Remus, too. We can't let his sacrifice go in vain."

A few moments later, she added, "And Sirius, to me, you're already forgiven", before turning back and entering the bedroom.

Sirius waited for the bedroom door to get shut with a click before he let his tears fall.

Meanwhile...

"Crucio" ..."Crucio"..."Crucio", the Dark Lord kept uttering in quick successions making Remus Lupin writhe on the floor in unbearable agony.

"I'll break you Lupin", Voldemort's malicious presence whispered in his head. "I'll break you into such pieces that you wouldn't be able to recognize yourself. You'll just be an empty shell."

"He won't win, I won't let him win", Remus thought, amidst his rapidly fleeting consciousness. But there wasn't much time left. He was already getting weaker, emptier. Soon, there really will be nothing left in him.

He had let his thoughts and memories lie scattered and discarded long ago. This way, Voldemort will find it harder to access the information he wanted. Only the core things needed to be kept, for the sake of his soul. His friends.The wolf. The moon. 

Remus closed his eyes and let himself get dragged to the cellar once again. 

From a distance, once a former marauder, now, a deatheater by the name of Peter Pettigrew, kept watching him till he was out of his sight (perhaps, just perhaps, with a hint of guilt...remorse in his eyes).

The cellar door closed with a bang.

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer : This is a not-for-profit fanwork. All characters of Harry Potter belong to J. K. Rowling.  
> Well, so this was my first pathetic attempt at writing a fanfiction. Let's see where it goes. Please review. Constructive feedback will be appreciated.


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